Wednesday, July 9, 2008

Decisions, Decisions...

I hate decisions. Especially the small ones. See, usually the big ones aren't that hard to decide on. But when it comes to deciding where we're going to eat tonight or where to put that picture in my house, I totally sink.

Getting married? A lot of people say that is the biggest decision of their lives. For me, there was no question. How could I not marry Rob?

This is different, though. I have a really big decision to make. One that could, and will, ultimately effect the rest of my life. I don't even know where to begin. The worst part? I have to decide by Friday.

I've mentioned before about second guessing my decision to become a teacher. Especially a public school teacher. Let me start from the beginning.

Last summer I landed a job working at a summer camp mainly helping in the preschool. I was working with 2, 3, and 4 year olds all day. At the time I didn't really like the job too much, because I never knew what I would be doing from day to day and if I'd be stuck doing something I didn't really want to (teaching the elementary kids). This is one of the places that made me realize that I don't want to teach elementary school. Well, I'm back at summer camp this year and am loving it! I'm teaching 4 year olds in my own classroom. It's awesome. I really love the age group and the atmosphere of a private Christian school. This is where things turned on me.

One of the assistant teachers had a baby in June (he's so cute!). She won't be coming back. This means there is an opening in the fall for an assistant teacher. They wanted me to do it! I was so super excited and said yes right away. Of course I want a full time job working with the kids I love! Then my little bout of joy came to a screeching halt. This job is for the school year. Which in the fall is cool. I'm only taking night classes (boo.). But... I'm supposed to student teach in the spring. NOOOO!!! I DON'T WANT TO!

I don't want to be an elementary school teacher anymore. I don't want to teach middle school math anymore. I don't want to have a full time job I don't get paid for and not have a job to pay bills with. I don't want student teach!!!

Then the wheels started turning. Maybe I don't have to student teach. I can graduate in December with my bachelors in educational studies, work full time at the preschool, go back and get my masters (which I planned on doing anyway) and get certified in early childhood there. But, if I student teach, I can graduate certified in elementary and middle school math, take my Praxis in early childhood and get certified that way. But, then I'd be losing out on an awesome opportunity to get some experience for my resume, which is SOOO important in finding a job!!

Then, another idea popped into my head. I could take all of the early childhood classes in the next two semesters and student teach in the summer. Well, they don't do student teaching in the summer (boo, again!). So, maybe I could student teach in the fall.

Or, I could take all the early childhood classes and not student teach at all. And go get my masters.

I don't know what to do!!! I REALLY want to work next year. Rob and I want to pay off some bills and start saving. I really DON'T want to student teach next spring. But, maybe I should anyway? I'm so confused and hate this feeling. I wish I could fast forward time and see what each decision's effect would be on my life.

Anyone have any advice?