The Birth of Adam Jonathan

Adam was "due to arrive" on March 11, 2013. I was about 99% sure of this due date, but as we all know, babies have minds of their own and he decided he was comfortable. Looking back, I think the length and difficulty of his labor were tied directly to his late arrival as I don't think he was quite in the right position for the big event.

March 11, was a Monday and it came and went quite uneventfully. I wasn't too stressed as his big sister arrived a day after her due date. I had prepared myself for him to go a little earlier, but I really hadn't thought he would be late. Much less a week late. On Wednesday, March 13, I started contracting when nursing Evelyn to sleep that night and was happy when the contractions didn't disappear after about an hour like they normally did. After timing them for a few hours, they were steadily 6-7 minutes apart and I thought I had finally reached early labor. I let my doula know and we waited. They continued until about 11 that evening and I decided to lay down for a while to see if I could rest. At 1, I woke up and they were all but gone. I was disappointed, but thought they might pick up in the morning when I got up and started moving around again.

Unfortunately, that next day nothing happened. I went to my appointment with Dr. Lindsey and had her check me, lamenting at my false labor. She said she commonly sees labors start and stop with second time moms and that I was 2-3 cm and about 50% effaced. Well, at least I had made progress! She told me not to make an appointment for next week and that she'd probably see me before the weekend was over.

I had a few more bouts of prodromal labor that week all resulting in nothing. It was really frustrating and my patience was wearing thin. 

Finally, on Sunday evening, March 17, I started having some more real time-able contractions after nursing Evelyn around 7. I tried not to get my hopes up as they had come and gone before, but before I knew it they were every 4-5 minutes, then every 3-4, then every 2-3. I was worried about having a precipitous labor and had been communicating with Alicia on and off and we both decided that I should go ahead and head into the hospital. 

I got to the hospital at 11 pm and they confirmed I was in labor and was 4 cm and 100% effaced. I was finally going to have this baby! I started to get into my mental zone knowing that a battle was in front of me and that the more effort I made toward encouraging labor, the better it would be. I got my first round of antibiotics in and then I walked the halls of the hospital for the next hour or so holding onto the rails and squatting through each contraction, hoping to move baby into a good position. Finally, my feet started hurting and they said that the birthing tub was ready and I could get in when I wanted. I decided to hang out for a little while longer and get a monitoring session over with and then I'd get in. At about 3am I decided to get in the tub as the contractions were getting stronger and I was having to really concentrate through them. Alicia and my mom were on standby keeping me hydrated and giving me pressure when I needed it. But, during this stage of labor, I'm pretty content to just be by myself. Evelyn was sleeping in the classroom across the hall with my mother in law and Rob was down in the waiting room with our dads hanging out until he was more needed.

Moving into the tub was glorious. Just as relaxing as I remember it being the first time except better. The birthing tub was big and warm and deep. I could move in it as I needed and it was just perfect. I continued to labor in the tub getting out occasionally to go to the bathroom or get monitored and trying to do everything I could to get things moving. I was so ready to meet my baby! We all made fun of Rob a bit because he kept falling asleep on the bed. He was so awesome that day!

At about 7:45 am, Dr. Lindsey came in and I decided I wanted to get checked. I felt like the baby had moved down and I was starting to feel a little pressure. I wondered if I was nearing transition as the contractions were really starting to get difficult.

At 8, they checked me and confirmed I was at 8 cm and 100% effaced. I was relieved! 8 cm! I knew I had reached transition as I was starting to question my resolve and the pain was really intense. I remained out of the tub to try a few positions to encourage me to dilate the rest of the way and for him to work his way down.

All during this time I was battling with myself. I kept thinking, "I can't do this" and then telling myself that if I was thinking those thoughts, then I was in transition and it would be over soon. I played this mental battle for what seemed like an eternity. And, looking back it was. This is when things went south. I labored for another hour in the tub before getting out wanting to be checked again. The pain and pressure were there, I knew I must be ready soon. Still, I was at an 8. I tried laboring on my hands and knees during which my water broke (though not fully) at about 10:45. I got back in the tub. I was starting to get vocal. This MUST be the end. He MUST be ready. Many times I looked at Rob and Alicia and my mom and said, "This is taking too long. I'm not supposed to be in transition for this long." I started questioning if I was really in transition and maybe I just was being a wimp. So, I steeled my resolve and pressed on. I got out of the tub again to be checked. By this time I was pretty over it. I was questioning my body. But, I had to be progressing. They checked me, still 8 cm. I was devastated. How long had it been? Dr. Lindsey said we needed to try and make the contractions a little stronger to encourage me to dilate. She tried to push the cervix out of the way a bit. I tried squatting through contractions. I tried hands and knees. I tried to have Evelyn nurse to encourage my contractions so I didn't have to do pitocin. I couldn't imagine making them stronger with pitocin. I didn't think I could handle it. Finally, I cracked. I looked at Rob and he looked at me, knowingly, and I said, "I'm done. It's not supposed to be like this. Something isn't right." After discussing it with Dr. Lindsey (haha, discussing things between screaming through contractions is pretty interesting), Rob, and Alicia, we all decided that we needed to take a new approach. My goal went from waterbirth to healthy baby, healthy mom, vaginal delivery. No one mentioned a c-section ever (thank goodness!) but obviously something wasn't right. The consensus was that Adam was malpositioned (I knew he was posterior) and something was preventing him from descending into the birth canal. He had been at a -1 station almost the entire time I was there. I was then informed that I had been in transition laboring at 8 cm for 6 hours. I told them I just needed a little break and decided to get the epidural to see if the relaxation would work toward dilating me the rest of the way.

{Evelyn came to visit me occasionally that day, and the hospital was so accommodating to her!}

At about 3, I finally got the epidural. I asked for him to make it a "light dose" if possible as I still wanted some feeling and idea of what was going on. I could always feel my legs, though they were tingly, but I couldn't feel ANYTHING else and to be honest, I hated it. Don't get me wrong, I was grateful for the break, but I disliked the lack of control and awareness I had over my body. I had them come turn it down twice in hopes that I'd at least be able to feel enough to push without coaching. Even at half a dose, I couldn't feel anything (not even the pressure of delivering him). Unfortunately, the epidural didn't work toward pushing me to complete as I had hoped. After another two hours and some breast pump action to try and strengthen the contractions, I was still at an 8. So, they started the pitocin. At 6:35, I was close enough to complete that Dr. Lindsey told me to try bearing down to push the little lip of cervix out of the way. Apparently, my issue isn't with pushing 10 lb babies out, because 10 minutes and 4 pushes later, he was here!

Immediately he was laid on my chest and everything was perfect. He was perfect and everyone commented on his size. He had a bit of trauma to the left side of his face where I assume he got stuck as his left eye was so swollen he didn't open it for 2 days and he has a broken blood vessel in it. The crease that was across his forehead was pretty amazing as well.

I am so grateful to Dr. Lindsey, Rob, Alicia, and my Mom for sticking with me through everything. The nurses were amazing as well. One of them came in on her night off because she loves to work with natural, waterbirth mamas and the others that were there pretty much didn't leave. It was like having an extra doula! While I mourn my waterbirth and I (selfish as it sounds) feel like I was robbed of my "natural birth" badge (lol), I feel like I made the right decision. My goal was to ultimately have a healthy baby, a healthy mama, and a vaginal delivery and that's what I got. I have a healthy, beautiful boy and I couldn't ask for more. Rob was pretty traumatized by the experience and he immediately said we were done having kids. I, on the other hand, want at least one more and maybe next time I'll get my waterbirth.

After spending some time nursing Adam and enjoying some wonderful skin to skin, we got his official stats (9 lbs 15.8 oz  - isn't that technically 10? - 21.5 inches long). We are so thrilled to have welcomed a little boy into our family! He already fits right in.

{Doesn't Rob look amazing for 24 hours of labor totaling almost two days of no sleep? Also, my belly band was absolutely perfect to use as a tube top for my "waterbirth". I highly recommend it!}

#2: 28 Weeks

{You're getting me in all my post-shower, PJ glory this week!}

How far along: 28 weeks

How big is baby: An eggplant. Baby's lungs are mature enough that, if born right now, she has a pretty good chance of surviving. Her skin is still pretty wrinkly (one byproduct of living in amniotic fluid) but will smoothen as fat continues to deposit.

Weight gain/loss: Not sure. At least 27 lbs.

Stretch marks: None yet this time. But, I'm sure they'll come.

Sleep: Starting to get uncomfortable. I'm sleeping through the night generally, but never really feel rested. We have a pretty firm mattress and it puts a lot of pressure on my hips. I loved my mattress until I got pregnant. I've hated it ever since.

Diet/Cravings/Aversions: Food in general sounds yummy!

Movement: Still lots. A ton of kicks on my right side which I never had with Evelyn but still all over the place too.

What I'm worrying about: I had an ultrasound last week that showed baby to be frank breech. Basically, his/her bum was down and feet were up by his/her head instead of crossed in the fetal position. I had a bit of a freak out moment in the ultrasound room. I also got a little peeved with the technician because when I expressed my concern she said, "Oh don't worry, the baby will be fine. They'll just do a c-section." Gah! I know the baby will be fine, but I have no intentions of a c-section! I know I'm being totally selfish, but that is not what I wanted to hear and I really thought it was a little harsh. The birthing process is very important to me and I'm not just going to resign myself to a c-section. Especially this early on. That is the key thing I had to realize. It's still very early. In fact, the more I paid attention to movement, I still think the baby is flip-flopping all over the place. It doesn't completely ease my worry, but I'm not feeling so emotional about it. I'm trusting that this baby and my body will figure things out in the end. I'm also figuring out that this pregnancy is not Evelyn's pregnancy. She had settled head down and stayed there (with her cute little butt in my ribs) at 28 weeks.  

I've got some exercises I'm doing to help with the breech issue, but I'm just forcing myself to let it be for now.

Also, I'm considering switching to a midwife at a birth center. I'm going to a "meet the midwives" session on Wednesday and we'll see how I feel then. My OB hasn't done anything wrong or anything, I'm just not feeling the hospital birth in my gut like I did before. Especially since they pulled the plug on water births. We'll see. I was pleasantly surprised to find out that my insurance will cover a midwife in either a birth center or home birth setting. Unfortunately, Rob isn't on board with the home birth thing, but at least I should be covered at the center if we decide to go that direction.

What I'm loving: Movement. Seeing my baby on an ultrasound. The thought of being a family of four (six if you could the boys) and Evelyn having a sibling. Love.

Symptoms: Hip pain and general achiness. Pretty good otherwise! 

What I'm looking forward to: The meeting this week for the birth center! I'm really looking for the feeling of peace in regards to where I'm going to have this baby. I'm hoping I'll find what God has planned for me there.

Best moment of the week: Seeing baby on ultrasound even if he/she did give me quite the cause to worry. Finding out about more options with my insurance.

Postpartum Recovery - What I wish I would have known

As I mentioned when I discussed my birth plan, I spent a LOT of time researching labor and delivery. Thankfully, my labor and delivery with Evelyn were perfect. I got the med-free experience I wanted and I feel so much joy and peace when I think about the day Evelyn was born. It's such an amazing memory for me and I'll cherish it forever. In fact, there's a small part of me that can't wait to do it again. Crazy, I know, but I miss being pregnant (I knew I would) and that day was one of the best (if not the best) in my life. I digress...

In my time spent preparing for Evelyn's birth, I remained completely ignorant of the things to expect afterward. I mean, I would be so enthralled with my little girl, how could I possibly think about anything else? Oh how naive I was. To be completely honest, when I think about the pain of birthing a baby versus the pain and complete irritation of recovering from birthing a baby, I'd choose the childbirth over the recovery in a heartbeat.

So, I feel I would only be doing a disservice to my readers (especially those who follow because of baby info - I sometimes wonder how I still have followers since I'm such a bad blogger) if I didn't share this experience. And, I plan on being very candid. I don't believe in hiding details because they are not "appropriate."

I'll start from the moment recovery started. I distinctly remember asking my wonderful Dr. while in the throes of transition and on the verge of pushing if it would stop when she was born. She smiled at me and nodded and I had the encouragement I needed to keep going. She was a big, fat, liar (I say that lovingly). Evelyn came out and was laid on my chest and I began completely melting as I stared at her. A few minutes later I realized that they were still working on things down there. I had completely forgotten that I had to deliver my placenta as well and that wasn't so bad. A little push and it was out. I expected to tear, I expected stitches. I did not, however, expect the kneading of my uterus due to the blood clots that they were working out and working on getting some bleeding under control. Let me just say, that this was uncomfortable. I remember thinking, "Okay, I have my baby, you can leave me alone now. I'm done with this whole pain thing." I knew it was necessary though. Again, it was pretty short-lived.

Next came the getting out of bed. I can't really put it nicely, but my bum was SO SORE. I mean, many people refer to childbirth as pooping a watermelon (very politically correct, I know). Well, I felt like it. Standing up was... slow. Walking was... slow. I knew I needed to move around or I would just get stiffer. But, I'm not going to lie, it hurt. Of course, why exactly was I getting out of bed? To head to the bathroom. I knew I had to pee. The nurses wanted me to pee. But, no matter how I tried (which trying in and of itself is uncomfortable - mainly due to sitting on the toilet) I couldn't. The nurse was very patient, but after a while she suggested a catheter. Honestly, I was definitely afraid. Who wants a catheter? But, once it was done I was glad. It allowed me to go and be comfortable again. It wasn't pleasant, but I won't fight it next time.

Since we're on the topic of relieving oneself, let's talk about number 2. This was probably my greatest postpartum fear. I have a history of constipation (you really know everything there is to know about me now, don't you?) and I was terrified of the first postpartum BM. I tried to explain this to the nurses. They gave me a stool softener and I said, do you have something more. I know it will be difficult. Finally when hadn't gone the last day I was in the hospital, they agreed to give me Miralax. Thank goodness for this. I didn't end up having a BM until 3-4 days after I got home, but thankfully, due to the medications, it wasn't bad. My advice, don't deny the meds.

Now, onto the meds. I've never taken prescription pain killers. I don't know how I'd react to them, so when they offered me Percoset or Ibuprofen. I took the Ibuprofen. Again, everyone says to take the pain meds. But, I really didn't want to end up sick or loopy and the Ibuprofen seemed fine to me. And, next time, I'll probably stick with it. The pain was manageable. I was sore. What should I expect?

So far, this doesn't seem so bad, right? It was all expected. There was swelling and pain. I expected that. What I didn't expect was the irritation it would be after I got home. For a solid week, getting up and down sucked. I was sore. I just wanted to move again without pain. My tailbone was sore. My nether regions were sore. My legs were sore. I had broken blood vessels in my eyes from pushing which were making my contacts uncomfortable. I was STILL swollen everywhere and I desperately wanted to put my wedding ring back on. (I finally forced it on after 3 weeks).

Again, going to the bathroom sucked. I just wanted to go pee like a normal person again. But, after 10 months I was experiencing bleeding again (no woman I know likes that...) and I had to be careful when wiping, use my peri bottle to rinse which I had to refill with warm water every time. It just... sucked. A month later and I'm still bleeding slightly and using the bathroom still isn't completely back to normal. I'm so done with pads.

Oh, and showering? I have a thing about showers. I LOVE my showers. Rob knows this and has done a great job of making sure I get my "shower time" every day. But, I couldn't shower completely normally either. My nipples felt like burns because of breastfeeding, I couldn't clean myself the way I normally had. I was nervous about doing something that would irritate things. It's a lot better now, but again, it took a solid 2 weeks for things to get better and after going through such a physical and mental change in such a short period of time, I craved a sense of normalcy in my body.

Here I am four weeks later and I still don't feel completely back to "normal." I know that normal is going to be different, but my body still has some healing to do.

And, for a genuinely sappy ending... I'd do it all again in a heartbeat. I've been blessed with the responsibility of bringing this perfect little life into the world and caring for her and I wouldn't trade it for anything.