Why we hardly ever make the bed...

One of the daily things I wish I was more consistent on is making the bed. It's nice to walk into a room and have the largest piece of furniture in it actually look presentable. Part of the reason it doesn't get made is because Rob is the last one out of it. The other part is this:

But he's just so darn cute!!

Wedded Wednesday - Sacrifices

Rob HATES getting up early. Me, on the other hand, as much as the actual act of getting out of bed early is not my strong suit, I enjoy getting up early. I would much rather go to work early and get out early than go in late and get out late. For Rob, being a night owl, the 9-6 schedule has worked perfectly for him for the past 3-4 years. I don't particularly care for the schedule since it really cuts into our time together, but it's not that big of a deal. So, when Rob came to me the other day and mentioned that there was a shift opening at work for 7:30-4:30 and that he was thinking about taking it, I was floored. I couldn't comprehend that he would actually voluntarily get up earlier.

He said that he hated that we couldn't spend very much time together in the evenings since by the time he got home and we ate dinner, it was time for me to go to bed. So, he wants to switch to an earlier schedule. This is one of those occasions when showing your love doesn't require diamonds or shiny things. This is one of the most thoughtful things he's done and I"m SO excited for him to be getting home earlier!!

12 Weeks to Better Photography - Week 4

I have to admit, I was kind of dreading this week. I don't like to use my flash. The following pictures prove it. I'm not very good at it. They always get blown out and never turn out the way I want. But, the good thing is, now I know why. This week's lesson talked about the basics of flash and how to use it appropriately. The challenge called for photographing a subject outdoors in the shade and in a bright sun which casts shadows on the subjects face. Ideally, my subject would have been human. Unfortunately, this wouldn't work for me since Rob doesn't get home until almost sundown. So, the boys had to play the role and getting them to stand still is akin to controlling the weather. So, here' goes nothing. Also, my best friend, Valerie (I've mentioned her before) introduced me to Picnik. Why I've been torturing myself with Photoshop, I have no idea, because this thing is AMAZING.

Image 1/2:

Aperture: f/1.8

Shutter Speed: Automatic

ISO: Automatic

These images was my attempt to show that even when your subject is in a well-lit environment (outside on a bright sunny day) shadows can often cause issues and mute color. With a well-used flash, you can eliminate this. My issue with these photos is that I was attempting to hold Dudley still which caused me to be too close and the flash to overexpose the photo. But, you can see that the shadows which were on his face are now gone and the color is MUCH better (well, sort of).

Image 3/4:

Aperture: f/1.8

Shutter Speed: Automatic

ISO: Automatic

These images were my attempt to show that again, even though the subject is shadowed entirely (especially when there is a backlight) you can use a flash to lighten the subject. Again, this is a very poor representation, but, I did my best!

I'll definitely be practicing this more when I have a more manageable subject.

Five Question Friday

This is something I came across on an awesome blog I follow found here. It's called Five Question Friday and was started on My Little Life.



So, here's goes:

1. Have you ever had a celeb sighting?

      Unless you count Coldplay coming into the crowd at their concert, nope. I'm not cool like that.

2. What temperature do you keep your house?

      In the winter, around 73. Surprisingly, Rob doesn't mind. In the summer, 78. Rob doesn't like that as much. If I had my way, it would be 78 in the house year round. I love it warm. 

3. Do you notice dust at other peoples homes?

      Nope. I think I've practiced ignoring dust in  my house enough that I don't really notice it anywhere now. I hate dusting.

4. What's the worst job you ever had?

      I worked for 3 months last summer at a children's shoe store at the mall. My first, and hopefully last, experience in retail. 

5. What is your most sentimental possession?

      This is tough. Probably the pearls I wore at my wedding. They were my grandmothers and my mom gave them to me for a birthday gift after having them restrung. I love them and they remind me of family and love and happiness. I'm sure there are many other things though!

P.S. Like my new signature? I think it's pretty cute!

Yesterday was awesome...

Long pause... NOT!

I had been looking forward to yesterday all week. Wednesday, I spent a great day hanging out with my mom, my favorite thing to do, and had plans to help my best friend and lovely neighbor, Valerie, paint her nursery. She's a little over 6 months pregnant with what I'm sure will be a chunky, dimple-cheeked, adorable baby boy for me to spoil. We got up, went to Home Depot, picked up some paint and got started. She was taping and I was trimming. Literally, within the span of 5 minutes, it hit me. Excruciating pain like I've never felt before. It started as a small ache in my side like I turned wrong and quickly had me doubled over and barely able to stand, let alone talk and tell anyone what was going on. Not like I could really figure out what was going on myself.

She was amazing. She grabbed me an ice pack (the first thing I could think of to help the pain) and asked what she could do. If you know me, you know I'm not one to take things too seriously. I don't go to the doctor very often, let alone the emergency room, but I was at a loss. I needed help. So, I called Rob and told him to come pick me up and take me to the ER. While I was waiting for him, I vomited (I'm still embarrassed that I left that in a bowl in Valerie's kitchen sink) and she graciously put my shoes on. We hopped in the car (okay, I didn't hop, but you know) and made our way to the ER.

Vomiting must have done something because I was already feeling better. They checked me in and we waited. And waited. And waited. I was feeling fine for the most part by then and really just wanted to go home. But, we needed to get checked out.

5 hours, 1 cat scan, and a urine test later and I was diagnosed with a kidney stone. They said I probably already passed it. Thank God. It was awful. I NEVER want to experience that again. I've heard though, that the pain of a kidney stone is akin to labor and childbirth. So, I feel a renewed sense of confidence that I will be able to survive the experience.

I guess I'll be adding a little more of this to my diet:

But that's another battle in an of itself.

Wedded Wednesday - In Sickness and In Health

We all said it when we got married (well, almost all, but you know what I mean). When we got married, we vowed that we would stand by our husbands/wives no matter what. In moments of happiness and sadness, rich or poor, sick or healthy. I said the vows and I meant them. But, I have to admit I'm not very good at taking care of my sick husband.

What can I say? It really takes a lot for me to give sympathy. Blame it on teaching 12-15 year olds. "Oh, you forgot your homework? For the 3rd time this week? Wow, that stinks. And what would you like me to do about that?"

Well, Rob requires a lot of care when he's sick, which I don't think is uncommon among men. I try really hard to care for him and to be supportive and loving. But, I know I'm not very good at it. It's a weakness. He came home last night running a low-grade fever (not really breaking 100 much) and it's lingered for today and this evening. There's not much I can do for him, besides give him Tylenol and make sure he eats and drinks. So, I go about my business. But, I know there are things I can do better and I'm going to try harder. Because that's what being married is all about. Caring for one another and giving 100%, 100% of the time.

We'll see if I still have a bit of sympathy in  my heart...

Clomid Cycle 1 = Fail

It may be a little early to call it, but I'm fairly positive I've reached the end of my first cycle on Clomid. I ended up having one hot flash in the middle of the night and no other side effects of the medication. Unfortunately, it didn't work. I never ovulated. I feel a lot better now about the situation than I did last week (you can read the post I made on that at the bottom). I was really discouraged and frustrated. Now I just have to call the doctor and find out what to do next. I'm really hoping my period shows up on its own and I don't have to go through the 10 days of progesterone pills to get it to start again. Maybe the next cycle will be a success.

I realized after I started posting about our issues with trying to conceive that I would need to be careful about what I post. I am so happy I have this place to put all my thoughts in order and it really helps during those times I'm feeling overwhelmed. But if we are successful, I don't want to share that news right away. This is something Rob and I agreed on when we started trying. So, from here on out I won't be writing too much on the subject as far as updates. I feel a little torn, because this is my place to share, my place to vent and chronicle things. But, like I said, we don't want to share that news too early. Does that make sense? I backed myself into that corner. :)

Anyway, in regards to this cycle I've come to terms with it. I've struggled with sharing the following with you, for a couple of reasons. One, because when I wrote it, there was still a chance I might ovulate. Two, it's pretty raw. I don't normally share my feelings like that and I still think some of them were unjustified. But, I believe in honesty. This is what I was feeling and I can't hide that. I feel so blessed for the many things I have and if God decides it is going to take a little longer for us to get pregnant, I'm okay with that. I have to be. I guess I was a little angry with God when I wrote this. A little frustrated. Disappointed. I'm feeling better now.

Feel free to read, if you like. I wrote this two weeks ago Thursday, the day I kind of viewed as the cutoff for this cycle. But, if you're not really wanting to read something depressing (like this post isn't already depressing enough), stop reading here.

I'm discouraged. I've been depressed all week. The worst part is, I don't feel like I have a right to be discouraged. I'm frustrated with myself and feel completely selfish. The clomid hasn't worked this cycle. I have not ovulated. I guess I was hoping that it would be perfect, an easy fix. And maybe it will be with the next cycle. But I can't help but be disappointed and discouraged. I know it's still early in the game. I know that I'm young and have time. But, I can't help feeling what I'm feeling.

I have this battle going on in my head. I'm disappointed that it didn't work. That I'm not pregnant. I'm annoyed that I'll be doing this dance again next month. What if the same thing happens? I'm annoyed with myself for wishing the days away until I reach certain "milestones" in the cycle - (progesterone, period, clomid, ovulation?, test?) I'm angry at myself for allowing these thoughts to consume me so much.

I feel faithless and unworthy. If I can't trust God to do this for me, how can I expect it to happen? I want to turn my brain off and give it all over. I want to not be worried about it. I've tried. Women have gone through much worse than this. YEARS of trying and medical procedures and still have no children. What right have I to complain? What right do I have to be so selfish? What right do I have to be upset that we haven't been successful in the several months we've been trying?

And I'm jealous. I'm jealous of the two friends I have who just found out they are pregnant. I'm so happy for them. Truly, I am. I'm thrilled that they are experiencing something so amazing. But, I'm jealous. That could be me. But it's not.

I'm determined. Tomorrow is a new day. God is good. Everything will be okay.

12 Weeks to Better Photography - Week 3

Wow. I can't believe it's been 3 weeks since I started this series! This week we will be focusing on White Balance. This is something I never touched in my amateur photography adventures, but it has definitely shined a new light on things. Basically, there are different types of light depending on the source. There's a whole scientific explanation behind it, but I won't get into that.

Certain types of light give off a hue or tone to the objects it casts light on. The sun gives the most "pure" light - white light. It allows us to see colors for what they truly are. Though even the sun can cast color in a different way. Indoor lights all do different things the the hue of color as well, depending on the source of the light. Fluorescent light bulbs and incandescent light bulbs are each going to make your photo look one way or another.

So, this week I got to try my hand at using the custom white balance setting on my camera. Basically, you take a picture of a white sheet of paper and tell your camera that, in these lighting conditions, this is what white looks like and the camera will adjust accordingly.

Here's what I came up with:

Image 1 - Aperture Priority:
Aperture: f/1.8
ISO: 1600
Shutter Speed: 1/4000
White Balance: Auto

Image 2 - Aperture Priority:
Aperture: f/1.8
ISO: 1600

Shutter Speed: 1/4000
White Balance: Tungsten Setting

Image 3 - Aperture Priority:
Aperture: f/1.8
ISO: 1600
Shutter Speed: 1/4000
White Balance: Custom

There isn't a whole lot of difference between the first and third picture. But, you can definitely see that the color is more correct. The third picture better represents what the item (a lamp berger) actually looks like.

I am so excited about this project. I have learned SO MUCH!!

Wedded Wednesday

Running a home. I think this is one of the greatest struggles we dealt with as a newly married couple. Determining the routine of our house. Who would cook? Who would clean? Who is in charge of finances? We had our fair share of tiffs in association with learning the ropes of home ownership, but almost 2 years into our marriage, I think we have ironed most of it out (haha, only to have it upset again by a baby, hopefully).

We were as green as it gets when it comes to homeownership (and I'm not talking eco-friendly). Neither of us had lived on our own before, even through college we both lived at home. We had never experienced caring for ourselves. I must say, I think I adjusted a lot more quickly and efficiently than Rob. While I had never lived on my own, I definitely knew the basics of running a home. Cooking, cleaning, laundry, general maintenance. Though Rob would never admit it, I'm still the one who does most of the housework. Even cutting the grass. I have to laugh because I'm the one that had to light the pilot on the water heater when it went out and I put the Christmas lights up. I think I even changed the headlights on his car and put air in his tires. What can I say?

The business has definitely affected the balance of these activities. But that's okay. There are times when I feel frustrated about the lack of help on his part, but a small mention of my feelings and he's asking how he can help. He's good like that (I think it's a guy thing that you have to ASK for things to get done). He's awesome about cleaning up after dinner and usually takes the dogs out.

This is what marriage is all about, right? Finding your niche. Making it work. Learning together. We'll see what I'm saying about things when we throw a little one into the mix. :)

12 Weeks to Better Photography - Week 2

**Let me preface this by saying that this is a really long post. It helps me to gain understanding by writing it out, explaining it myself. So, I hope I don't confuse you and if you want, go straight to the source of the information.

This week scared me a bit. I'm all over aperture. It makes sense and is what I focus on a lot. This week, however, we were diving into the world of ISO and Shutter Speed. I know what shutter speed is - how quickly the shutter (the little door that opens in front of your film/image sensor) operates. ISO - film speed - not as much. The thing is, is that in order for you to get a properly exposed picture you have to understand how these three things work together. It's a balancing act, when one changes, the others may need to change as well or you'll end up with blurry or dark or blown out pictures. So, here goes nothing.

Let's start with ISO. Like I said, ISO is film speed or, how quickly your image will be captured. The higher the ISO, the quicker the image is captured; the lower the ISO, the slower.

Higher ISO = Quicker capture = Less light required
Lower ISO = Slower capture = More light required

The numbers used to represent ISO are 100, 200, 400, 800, and 1600. This handy little chart helps you to know when to use what setting:

As you can see in the chart: More light = Lower ISO, Less light = Higher ISO.

You want to use the lowest setting allowable as the higher the ISO you use, the more possibility there is for grainy images (image noise) since there isn't enough time for the camera to capture the details.

Now, shutter speed. Also, like I said, this is how fast the little door (shutter) closes. It ranges from several seconds (bulb setting) to fractions of a second (1/4000th). A faster shutter speed will freeze action (think sports players flying through the air). A slower shutter speed will create a blurred effect (think an image of a highway with bands of light from the cars driving by).

Rules of thumb:

• Use a tripod for shutter speeds 1/50 of a second and below to prevent blurred images.
• If you are taking a picture with the camera in hand, use a shutter speed 1/60 of a second or faster. Hold your breath when taking the picture and if your subject is moving at all (a wiggly child, for example) up your shutter speed.
• For fast moving subjects, use a shutter speed 1/1000 of a second or faster.

Now that we have the details out of the way, lets dig in to the practice part. 

The question we are focusing on this week is: "When should I use a fast shutter speed?" 

I am operating my camera in Tv mode, or shutter priority mode. This means I choose the shutter speed I want and the camera will set everything else (aperture) so that the exposure is correct. The lighting wasn't fantastic for my images this week, but I did my best. Observe shutter speed:

Image 1: 

Shutter Speed: 1/1250 sec.

ISO: 1600 (I was indoors with poor lighting)

f-stop: f/2.2

Notice how the water coming off the glass is "stopped" mid-motion? You can see the bubbles and droplets.

Image 2:

Shutter Speed: 1/80 second

ISO: 1600

f-stop: f/8

Notice how the water is "flowing" in the picture?

The faster the shutter speed, the faster the camera takes the picture; the slower the shutter speed the slower the camera takes the picture.

Now, notice what changed in the properties of the images? The f-stop. In order to allow enough light for correct exposure, the camera changed the aperture. The top image has a much shallower depth of field the than the bottom.

Phew! This lesson goes into a lot more detail about operating in manual mode and adjusting the shutter speed, ISO, and aperture on your own. But, this post is long enough. I may go into this another day. I hope I was clear!

Are these posts helpful? Do you have any suggestions?

Spring is Here!

The weather FINALLY relented and on Sunday I got to get out in the yard and clean up our landscaping a little bit! It was beautiful. The sun was shining, the weather was warm (well, warmer) and guess what I saw? Green stuff! My bulbs are starting to poke through!!

We've got crocuses and hyacinths that usually come up first. I can't wait for some color!!

Isabella

I realized it's been a while since I posted about Isabella. She's already well past 2 and is hamming it up for the family. We are in love with her. She's so sweet and is talking up a storm.

And, SO beautiful!

Morning Routine

My boys do NOT like to get up in the morning. On the weekends they'll sleep till 10. During the week Rob gets them out of bed and puts them outside before they go into their crate for the day. He always tells me how much they hate getting up. Then, the sent me this picture today.

Apparently when Rob brought Dudley back inside and walked him into our room to go in the crate he jumped back in bed and gave him this look. Pathetic, isn't it? "But I want to go back to bed dad!"

James doing his homework

My nephew is growing up SO fast. He is in preschool and they have to do homework every week which is basically writing his name and the letter of the week. Check him out.

He's concentrating so hard!

I am one proud auntie!!


Did I say concentrating??

I laugh out loud every time I see this picture. Can't they stay little forever?

Wedded Wednesday - Rob Says

I'm totally stealing this idea from Meredith (you should check out her blog anyway, this is also where I got the photography lessons from). So I thought I'd give Rob a little space on the blog. I mean, I talk about him an awful lot, he deserves it right?

1. As most of my blog readers know, you started a business. What is it? Why did you do it? Have you learned any good life lessons?
We are trying to bring something new to the gaming world.  We want people to have a place to go to to participate in video game events, tournaments, midnight launch parties, etc. and have fun.  Every event is also free.  We have always had a passion for video games and simply looked at 1. What do gamers want?  2. Is anyone giving it to them?  Gamers want much more and that is what we're here for.  I have learned to have patience, things move slowly with a business but always work out for the best.

2. We're going on 2 years!! What is the best part of being married? What has been the worst? Any advice for the newlyweds out there?
The best part of being married is not having to constantly say goodbye and go a day or sometimes two without seeing that person.  The worst part is money, buying and filling a house with stuff is expensive...  My advice would be to double, triple, and quadruple check yourself financially before deciding to buy a house and get married. 

3. We're trying to have a baby. How do you feel about this? What do you expect? How do you think our lives will change with a new little life?
I feel like I am slowly preparing myself mentally for this and I honestly don't know what to expect.  I think we will be even busier but I also think it will bring us together in a way that nothing else can.

4. If you could change one thing about your life, what would it be?
Spending more time with my grandpa before he died...

5. Is your life today where you imagined it would be five years ago?
My life is right about where I hoped it would be, sans being a published writer. 

6. Where do you see yourself 5 years from now?

Hopefully, retired, with kids, and happy. 

7. What is your favorite meal that I make? What is your least favorite?
I love it when you make scrambled eggs, also your salsbury steak is amazing.  Their really isn't anything you make that I don't like.

8. What is a lesson you learned as an adult that you wished someone would have taught you growing up?
To be patient, if you're meant to have something you'll get it.  Just sit back and relax, do your best, work hard, and everything will work out in the end. 


Do you like hearing from Rob? It's funny, he is the funniest person I know (and several people can attest to this), but his writing is always so serious... maybe I'll do a verbal interview next time. 

By The Way

I am a bad blogger and completely forgot to give credit to the sources for my last post!

So, the 12 Weeks to Better Photography is from Two Peas in a Bucket and week one is found here, and I can't wait for next's weeks subject on ISO and Shutter Speed.

The lovely lady who is "hosting" this fun blogging adventure is Meredith. I've thoroughly been enjoying her blog!

Check back on Tuesday for my next "lesson."

12 Weeks to Better Photography - Week 1

Aperture, right up there with the rule of thirds, I feel is one of the techniques in photography that I feel has made the biggest difference in my photos. I'm glad they started this course with it. It can be confusing (I found this when trying to explain it to my photography club students at school) because the "rules" behind it are sort of backwards.

Aperture is essentially how much of your picture is in focus. The lower the aperture , the less the picture is in focus (narrower depth of field). The higher the aperture, the more the picture is in focus.

As far as technicalities are concerned, you may have heard the term "f-stop." F-stop and aperture are interchangeable terms. "F-stop" comes from the symbol used to denote aperture. The standard lens' f-stop can be anywhere from f/4 to f/22. The lens I used for today's post is the "nifty-fifty" which has the ability for a lower aperture of f/1.8. This allows for a very narrow depth of field.

Observe (pardon the poor subject matter):

Aperture: f/1.8 = Very narrow depth of field.

Aperture: f/5.6 = Wider depth of field, the background is coming into focus

Aperture: f/22 = The whole picture is in focus (well, sort of, the background is a little grainy)

Thanks for tuning in!

Work Out Clothes

I'll be honest, I don't really like working out. I know if I just did it more, I would learn to like it, but I'm lazy and I don't. I try to work out on a regular basis, but I'm really good at coming up with excuses as to why I shouldn't go. Winter has been a great one. It's just plain cold outside. Who wants to go to the gym with thin work out clothes on and have to walk through frigid temperatures to get there? 


It's a horrible excuse, but another reason I don't really like working out is because I can never find work out pants that fit, mainly in length. I'm not exaggerating when I say that 95% of my wardrobe cost less than $10 and the things I have that cost more are either special occasion items or jeans that I had to spend more on for the length. Even then, I've never spent more than $25 on a pair of jeans. That's just not the way I roll.


So, in my mind, why would I drop even $20 on an item of clothing to wear solely for activities I don't like to do? Capris and shorts are one thing. But pants? Finding work out pants in a 34 inch inseam is a bear. Especially if I don't want to spend more than $10. Please observe my current work out pants. It's downright embarrassing. This is the way ALL of my work out pants look. I even have them pulled down low on my hips (though they never stay there. 

So, I've conquered the work-out bra problem and now I'm off to conquer the work-out pants problem. Or, maybe I'll just deal until summer when my capris will work.

12 Weeks to Better Photography

I'm very excited to be joining Meredith as well as some other bloggers in a 12 week photography course. As I write this I am anxiously awaiting my nifty fifty in the mail. Apparently UPS doesn't come to my house until very late in the evening because it's supposed to be here today and has not arrived yet!

Anyway, I will be going through 12 lessons, one each Tuesday, and posting the results here. I will also be linking to the other bloggers who are participating and hopefully we'll all be doing better by the end!

Feel free to leave comments, suggestions, criticism, etc. on the posts as I'm definitely looking to improve my skills!

Exciting Purchase!

I had some points wracked up on our reward system credit card and splurged on one of these:

It's a Canon 50mm/F1.8 lens for my camera. I'm so excited!! It'll give me a whole new arena of fun to explore in my photography hobby. The lens is nicknamed the "nifty fifty" and it provides awesome pictures with a great narrow depth of field. I'm anxiously awaiting it's arrival in the mail! Then, I'll be sure to post some pictures I've taken with it.

Speaking of pictures, my blog has been a little devoid of them lately, hasn't it? Well, hopefully this will help!

Day 2

Today is the second day of my Clomid cycle. I was really nervous about taking them. The major side effects associated with it are hot flashes and insomnia. So, I had to decide whether to take it in the morning or at night. If I took it in the morning, I was worried about getting hot flashes in the middle of school. If I took at night, I was worried about, well, insomnia.

Luckily, I've been side-effect free!

I'm trying really hard not to get my hopes high. I'm excited, REALLY excited, but I don't want to be disappointed. It feels kind of strange, too, because we didn't PLAN on getting pregnant so soon. But, the reason we're starting to try so quickly is because it may take longer than expected. I'd rather it be much sooner than much later.

I'm having those feelings of breaking rules or something. You know, you spend so long telling yourself that you can't do something - like you've set a rule for yourself - and then you allow yourself to break that rule. I'm having an interesting time getting past that feeling of doing something wrong.

So, operating get pregnant is underway. 10 days of progesterone pills (including horrible back cramping, bleck) - check. 3 days of waiting for my period - check. 2 days of my period - check. Now I have 3 more Clomid pills and I wait. And hope. And pray.

It's all in God's hands.

STOKED!!

Rob's business made the front page of the biggest gaming website in the world!!

Here's the story:

The Gamer Lounge on IGN

BTW, I took all those pictures - so does that mean I'm famous too?

Wedded Wednesday

Wedded Wednesday is a collaboration
of married bloggers sharing their inspirations,
anecdotes, struggles and thoughts regarding
the amazing union of two separate people, as one.

Being married to an entrepreneur has its moments. I am SO proud of Rob. I am proud of his accomplishments and his drive to make the best life he can. I am grateful for the sacrifices he makes for us and his desire to make us "rich so we can retire early and spend all of our time with our kids and families." He has worked so hard.

You know what's coming.

This has been a difficult week for us. We have spent the last week and a half prepping and planning for the grand opening and now it's come and gone. But, the stress still lingers. I tend to be unusually calm under pressure. I feel like I think clearest when I'm in situations that require big decisions. Rob, on the other hand, gets emotional and loses some sense of logic. He tends to get impatient and defensive and my attempts at a calm discussion don't always end nicely. But, we balance each other out and we manage.

Leah reminded me of communication today. There have been moments when I feel like if I just suck it up and hold on to the emotions I'm feeling with the stress in our lives, it will be better. But, then I remember the times I've done that before and the problems it has caused. I know, though, that this too shall pass. Rob will not always be stressed and I will not always be stressed because he is stressed. I take comfort in knowing that at the end of the day, we'll be together side-by-side and loving each other more than ever.

Downside

The biggest downside to being off birth control? Acne. I feel like I'm 16 again... :(

I'm not sure that it was the birth control that was entirely controlling it, so much as the lack of major hormonal swings.

Anybody have any suggestions? I'm just trying my best to keep things under control!

BTW, Valentine's day was this weekend. And, while I said Rob and I weren't doing anything because of the business, he did make me a fabulous dinner of chicken in cream sauce while we watched a movie together on the couch. It doesn't sound like much, but it was wonderful to just relax together after a long day on Sunday.

Gamer Lounge Grand Opening

It was a HUGE success!! The local band, Beckon, played for about 25min before the grand opening and they were fantastic. You should definitely check them out when we get the video up. Then we had the unveiling. It was awesome. Check it out:

The band: Beckon

Before the unveiling:

Again, before the unveiling:

Immediately after the curtain was pulled:

 Stop by if you're ever in St. Peters! We'll be open for 6 weeks.

Check out our website for updates as well.

Woo-hoo!!

We got our tax return today!! Doing taxes sucks, but it sure is worth it in the end. :)

Is anyone else celebrating with me? Too bad we won't have it for long. Is it sad that we've already decided what it will go to?

Come on out!

I've revamped the blog. I wanted a more "springy" look and made a new header and changed some html to give the blog a facelift! All you google readers come check it out!

Wedded Wednesday

I thought I might take on the challenge of this theme I saw on another blog. Here goes.

It is Wednesday, right? Okay, good.

What is Wedded Wednesday? Read for yourself:

Wedded Wednesday is a collaboration

of married bloggers sharing their inspirations,

anecdotes, struggles and thoughts regarding

the amazing union of two separate people, as one.

Saturday will be our 20 month wedding anniversary. I know what you're thinking. Who still counts months? It's kind of our thing. The number 13, that is. Our first date: August 13, 2008. Friday the 13th to be exact. Our first kiss? 13 Days later. We got married on June 13, 2008. Also Friday the 13th. So every 13th of the month is special. Its a little thing we share. I love it.

I remember the first time I understood what it felt like to be in love. To love someone so much that it hurt. It was January 2005. I cling to that feeling. Relish in its glory. In its pain. To have those fleeting thoughts of accidents and this could be the last time when he walks out the door. Only to have them swept away by a kiss.

Our wedding day. When we made that commitment that not matter what, we'd keep remembering that feeling of love so deep your heart hurts. It makes me smile. When I changed my name. I joke about my last name, but I'm proud of it. I'm proud of him.

The fights and arguments. I consider them moments made for future entertainment. The first feelings of accomplishment at doing something together. Buying a house, car, lawn mower. Putting the Christmas tree up together.

Cherishing the time we have on this earth and knowing I am blessed enough to have him to share it with. That is wedded bliss.

Purely. Simply. Love.

Fears.

Since making my previous post, I feel like a weight has been lifted. I no longer feel like I have this big burden I'm carrying around on my own. But, that doesn't mean that I'm not still apprehensive. That I'm not still scared. This whole situation is terrifying.

The decision to try. That first step to stop taking the pill. That was a big decision. We'd spent the entirety of our marriage without this worry of getting pregnant and all that it entails. Then, we took the step. We crossed the line into the world of trying to conceive. Well wasn't that a joke. To think of all the money spent on birth control pills and now we're going to spend money on just the opposite. Ironic. 

Then come the doubts. After a never-ending cycle, the thoughts of trouble started creeping in. Like I said before, I've always had issues with my cycles. But until now, it never meant anything. I didn't really think about it. I've always wanted to be a mom. More than anything. And finally we decided that it was time, only to hit a road block. What if I never get that chance? That scares me more than anything. More than spiders. That's a lot. 

Okay. Enough of the drama. I got past that fear. I talked to my mom. She calmed my fears. I talked to my doctor. She calmed my fears. There are solutions. So, here we go. Clomid. Enter more fears.

When the doctor prescribed me the Clomid, she said, "If you're not pregnant in three months...." Holy crap. That was, like, fast. I got really excited. And really scared. I had kind of settled back into that "it's not possible to get pregnant mode." No ovulation means no baby. Now its real again. It's like going off the pill again. But this fear is okay. It's apprehension. Excitement. Then fear again.

Clomid can cause multiples. My friend is a NICU nurse and she sees lots of Clomid multiples. Um... multiples? Ack! My brain can't handle it! But, again, after discussion and prayer, we were okay. If God decides to give us multiples, so be it. 

But what if it doesn't work? Then what? Up the Clomid? Explore other drugs? IUI? IVF? How much does this cost? How risky is it? When is it time to just move on? 

Then, after all of these "what-if's" have given me multiple anxiety attacks I feel that calm that only God can provide. Just when I needed it; when God knew I needed it, I came across this verse:

"Don’t worry about anything; instead, pray about everything. Tell God what you need, and thank him for all he has done. Then you will experience God’s peace, which exceeds anything we can understand. His peace will guard your hearts and minds as you live in Christ Jesus."

Philippians 4:6-7

And I remember, everything is going to be okay.

The Gamer Lounge is Famous!

Well, going to be.

My husband's business will be opening in the Mid Rivers Best Buy on Sunday for a 6-week trial period. We need your support!! This could be potentially huge for us and the business.

In fact, KMOV Channel 4 is going to do a news story on it's good news section tonight at 10pm. They will be interviewing one of the co-owners and giving a sneak peak at what's to come.

We are REALLY excited and hope that this is a huge success. Tune in!

Operation Get Pregnant

Yes, you read right. Rob and I have officially crossed into the world of trying to conceive. It's a big step for me to post on my blog that Rob and I have decided to try to have a baby. I've been struggling with posting this for a while, but I've decided that this is what my blog is for. The decision to try to have a baby is a very personal one. I had hoped that we would just make this decision, try for a little while having this fun little secret between the two of us and eventually announce here that I was pregnant. But it doesn't seem to be going that way.

We've actually been across the line for a little while now, but it's proving to be a little more difficult than we anticipated. Actually, scratch that. Its been just as difficult as I anticipated (part of the reason we decided to start trying - it could potentially take a while). Without going into gory details that even women don't really like to read about, unfortunately my body does not seem to behave like a "normal" woman's body should. I have never gotten regular periods and, as I've discovered through charting, I have not been ovulating.

There's a big scientific equation behind the cycle a woman's body goes through each month and for some the equation is missing certain variables. My doctor thinks I have Polycystic Ovary Syndrome (PCOS). For some women this diagnosis results in the complete inability to ever conceive. For others, it's just a little hurtle. My mother has the same diagnosis and she successfully (though with much trying) conceived my brother and I. It is by no means a death sentence to our chances of conception. But, like I said earlier, it may prove more difficult. Whether it's PCOS or not, I'm not ovulating and that's a problem. This is where the big decisions come into play.

What do we do? Keep trying and hope that I eventually ovulate and we catch that chance? This could happen as little as two to three times a year, if that. This makes our chances pretty slim. So, do we chase these chances? Do we seek medical help? What would the medical help entail? Medication? What risks are involved? So, I enter the world of possible infertility treatments. I made an appointment with my OB/GYN and we discussed my options. There were two. I could continue charting and hope that I eventually ovulate and we actually get pregnant. Or, we could try a medication called Clomid. :::Cue worst-case scenario-induced panic:::

What is Clomid? Clomid is a medication which, in essence, induces ovulation. For many women it works immediately and there is success. For a small percentage of these success stories, it may cause multiples. :::Cue more worst-case scenario-induced panic::: For some it doesn't work. It didn't work for my mom.

After much discussion, Rob and I have decided that we are going to attempt a very low dose of the medication and see if anything happens (we pray that it does!). If not, we'll go from there. Am I okay with this decision? After much thought and prayer and deliberation, yes.

I hope I don't bore you with this stuff. I guess I'm looking to have someplace to lighten my mental load because, while it is important for my husband to know and understand what's going on, no matter how much I talk to him about it I know, as a man, he'll never quite understand. He is trying his best to understand and is doing so well at being supportive. But, I think his brain shuts down at any mention of periods or cervical mucus. Do you blame him? I don't. I wouldn't blame you for wanting to stop reading right now. I'm rambling.

So, here we are. Rob and I want to have a baby. Anovulatory cycles = no baby. And so begins round 1 of Clomid (something I'm still coming to terms with). Wish me luck!

Business

You may remember this post a while back talking about my husband's business. A year later, with a lot of time, effort, and negotiations I'm proud to announce a big event. Beginning February 14th, The Gamer Lounge will be taking up a temporary residence inside the Mid Rivers Best Buy. Think The Geek Squad for video games. They will have a small section of the store set up for all things video game related: game play, tournaments, launch parties, general information. It's going to be really fantastic.

There are a lot of ideas being thrown around right now which include giveaways, coupons, and other customer incentives. They've discussed having a place to donate used games to be donated to places like Cardinal Glennon, The Ronald McDonald House, etc. They will be boasting the latest technology in the gaming world and, for all you gift givers out there, can point you in the right direction if you're not quite sure what to get as a gift.

So, come check them out and give us some support! If all goes well, Best Buy may consider expanding the business into more stores! We are VERY excited and VERY nervous. We need all the support we can get. Or, even if you're curious, just come check us out. You may even see me up there!

Revelation

Recently, I had an epiphany of sorts in terms of how unbelievably fast time goes as you get older. Don't you remember being a kid and thinking that a couple of hours in the afternoon seemed like forever? Not to mention your birthday and the exciting day when you got to say you were (insert number here) and a half. As the new year rolled around, like many others, I found myself reflecting on the past year and all of the events that occurred to safely store away in the vaults of my memory.

Then I realized that Rob and I are well on our way to our 2 year anniversary. What!? When did that happen? I felt like I spent the past 5 years waiting to get married, including a 2 year engagement, and here I am nearly 2 years into my marriage! Wow. It feels like just yesterday that Rob and I started dating and we marveled at the feeling of being one of those couples who hit "the year mark." Now we've been together over 5 years.

Watching James and Isabella makes me so happy and sad at the same time. James has been walking around saying things that he's going to do when he's five and a big boy going to kindergarten. ::Sob:: And Isabella is surprising me every time I see her. She's two now. Check her out at Christmas.

And don't get me started on Oliver and Dudley. My firstborn is going on 4 with Dudley trailing close behind at just over 3. As Rob and I look to the future to start a family, I hope to everyday keep in mind that we never get these times back. I love watching James and Isabella grow up and I can't wait to see what their futures hold, but a small part of me wants them to be little forever. It is so bittersweet.